Overwhelmed

Disclaimer: This post is completely non WoW-related, highly self-indulgent and a little on the emo side. Feel free to skip right on by and go read something about the MoP beta. Actually, it’ll be easier to hit publish if I think no one is reading this.

It’s March 22nd and this is only the second post I’ve written this month. I feel bad that I’ve been ignoring my blog, but I just haven’t been in the right mindset to write (or even play WoW) most of the time.

I feel a little odd writing this post. I don’t really like to talk about personal stuff too much, but I feel like I need to say something – need a little catharsis.

I’ve been going through a lot in the last few months. I’m way over 300 on the Holmes and Rahe stress scale. I’ve gone through a break-up, sold my house, had to find a new place to live, moved to a much smaller place, lost a few friends, been gkicked, have been without my kitties for far too long, and in 8 days I’ll be unemployed. At times I feel like I could be the subject of a bad country song. I’m glad I don’t have a dog, because it probably would have died.

I’m trying not to feel too sorry for myself, as the responsibility for many of these things falls squarely on my shoulders. I’ve also had some really great things happen over the last while. But as someone who has never handled change very well, it has been overwhelming at times.

The worst part has been moving. I hate moving. Nothing makes me want to hide in a closet, curl into the fetal position and cry like packing my life into boxes and moving it some place else. I should have planned better. I should have just hired movers and got everything done in one fell swoop. But I didn’t. Instead I’ve drawn this process out over a couple of weeks, moving a few boxes at a time. I’ve made so many trips between my old house and my new loft, carting over whatever I could fit in my car – my dolly has become one of my best friends. At the end of each of these trips I’ve usually been an exhausted, emotional wreck.

Cleaning out my old house was stressful, as was getting rid of all the things I knew wouldn’t fit into my new place. I donated all my books to Goodwill. I loved the library I’ve built up over the last decade or so, but my new place really doesn’t have room for so many bookshelves. They’d just have to go into storage and then I’d have to move them again when my lease is up. So I got rid of them all, along with everything else I didn’t see an immediate need for.

The process of selling a house is funny. You put so much work into it – cleaning, touching up paint, decluttering, rearranging furniture and making it look good – then you leave and don’t get to enjoy any of it yourself.

On the bright side, it’ll be over soon. Last night I moved the last of my stuff out of my old place. The sale of my house closed today; my lawyer just called me to tell me that everything was done. I also got one of my kitties back this week, who happens to be the best at snuggling.

Momo snuggles
There is still lots to do. I need to unpack and finish furnishing my new place, but that’s not too stressful. I like the thought of putting everything in its proper spot (once I find it) and making the place my own. I’m looking forward to having people over to my new place for a housewarming party and lots of wine nights. I’ll also be writing a lot more cover letters (not my favourite thing to do) as I search for a job. To be honest though, I’m not in a huge hurry to get a new job, I could use some time off. I feel like I need about a month of sleep to clear my head and stop feeling so exhausted all the time.

It’s been an ordeal, but I’m looking forward to April.

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38 Responses to Overwhelmed

  1. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having a rough time! Hope things get less stressful for you soon. Good luck on the (eventual) job search, and don’t worry or feel guilty about blog content, get yourself right first and we’ll all still be here when things have settled down and you have the time and inclination to write more. :)
    Rades recently posted..The point of no return

    • Thanks Rades. It’s not just that I feel guilty about not posting, but I really enjoy posting here and I miss it, I just can’t concentrate for long enough to get a whole post written most of the time.

  2. Definitely seconding those feelings on moving. Sucks :(

  3. /hugs

    Went through a rough patch a few years ago – completely different circumstances but also well north of 300. It’s hard, really hard, but things do get better. Hang in there, and do what you gotta do for yourself.
    Ratshag recently posted..Mebbe They Should Re-release The Movie In 3D With A CGI Alien

  4. Sorry to hear you have had such a hard time recently. I hope things improve for you soon and you can calm yourself down.

    Be sure to give that kitty lots of snuggles and pettins

    *hugs*

    Kat

  5. sorry jasy :(

  6. /hug

    Whenever something like this happens, I always try to remind my friends (and myself!) to look at this as an opportunity to make changes that bring your life closer to what you want it to be. Breakups suck, being jobless sucks, moving sucks, but all of these changes can be looked at in two ways. It’s not easy taking the silver lining route, but it usually pays off further down the road. I know we haven’t really chatted much, but I think we have a lot in common. If you ever need anyone to talk to, don’t hesitate to pester me!

    • Thanks Feather :)

      I definitely see a silver lining in this and I’m looking forward to some changes. I just wish it wasn’t so many things at once.

  7. As far as moving goes, I feel your pain. I hate moving so much that it took squriells living in my walls and a completely inept office manager to make me move out of a place I wasn’t thrilled with to begin with.

    Funny story about moving. When I moved from Altanta to Seattle, I had originally intended to hire a mover to do it for me, car and all, and just fly myself out to Seattle and wait for my belongings to get there. Upon sharing this plan with my father, he was appalled at what a “great waste of money” that would be and how I should just hire a Uhaul and let him drive me to Seattle. After some hounding, I finally agreed. Of course, upon learning of this, my mother immediately went “well, I’ve never been to Seattle” – and all of the sudden my cross country move turned into this huge family “vacation”. Let me tell you, there is nothing quite like 4 days of driving across the country with your family and a Uhaul. While I was greatful for the company while driving, I was most definitely ready to send my family packing back home by the time we reached Seattle. (Of course, they stayed a few days in my new, completely unpacked, apartment – where my little brother found my Waterford crystal when he was digging around for glasses and started to use it for everyday beverage container).

    I was never so happy as when they left and I had time to just step back and breathe, and make my place my own. I’m also pretty sure it cost more more than it would have to just hire the damn mover to begin with!

    So, my advice is just go home, pour a big glass of wine, light a candle, find one room that you want to make your own and enjoy building it.

    Hang in there. Sometimes it’s the smallest things in the most difficult times that can put a smile on your face, and keep you moving.
    Beruthiel recently posted..On Gear and Crutches

    • Aaah, having house guests right after moving in sounds like it would drive one crazy.

      Tonight was the first night I could really relax. I had a couple hours to lay on the couch, watch some mindless television and have a glass of wine before raid. It was nice (and topped off with a new boss kill).

  8. Come to Vancouver.

    Let’s grab a beer.

    Priests make excellent snugglers too. HURR HURR.

    (Kidding about the snuggling, not kidding about the beer)

  9. This, too, shall pass. But until it does, there are a whole hell of a lot of people out there who are rooting for you and who will be quick to hug you, make you laugh, share a smile or commiserate with you…myself included. Failing that, there’s always snuggles from Teh Cutest Kitteh In Teh World.

    Hugs, friend.

    • Thank you, Stormy.

      Now I’m getting a little overwhelmed about all the supportive comments I’m getting. I really appreciate it.

  10. I feel your pain on a lot of these things. I’m in the same boat when it comes to moving – I’ll be doing later this year and I’m already dreading it. I’m looking at getting my own place which is daunting and scary. And I’m considered by much of my family to be unemployed even though I’ve been working my butt off on a lot of things. It does suck.

    I hope your rough patch gets better sooner rather than later for you! And until then, I’ll be cheering for you!
    Melyanna recently posted..Caravan Conversations: Part II

    • This is the first time I’ve had a place that’s completely my own, and I have to say that I’m enjoying it so far. The moving and changes are certainly stressful, but last night for the first time I got a bit of down time at my new place and it was really nice to have some alone time and be able to do whatever I wanted without having to worry about anyone else.

      Good luck with your move, I hope it goes smoothly with as little stress as possible.

  11. Good luck with everything! Even those of us who don’t know you but appreciate your blog are wishing you well and sending positive thoughts your way. You cat family seems a lot like ours. I’m glad you have your snuggler with you again.

  12. You have done extremely well handling everything life has thrown at you, and I have no doubts you will be able to deal with any challenge life may throw at you. As long as your priorities are in order and you follow your heart, you can never go wrong.

    Here’s a tall glass of Merlot to help.

    http://www.candle-licious.com/assets/images/merlot.jpg

    Cheers!
    Srsbusiness recently posted..Enter: The Battlegrounds – Spec, Stats and Gear

  13. Let me know if you need anything. Even if it’s an emergency bottle of wine! :p

  14. I’ve never hated moving. But I live with someone who has only ever moved with me (he stayed in his parents house until I said, come on, let’s move out). However, I do feel your pain and hope that things look up. Kitties are great stress relievers and I’m so glad that you have one with you now.

    I’m in awe of you, you are taking all your troubles and seem to be striding right through them. Taking them one at a time and batting them right out of the park.

    I’m just a silly fan girl, but know that I admire you and hope things get better for you!!

    • I envy people who can handle moving without having a meltdown. It completely wears me out. Besides the packing, the cleaning, the hours of heavy lifting and the general upheaval, I find it really stressful when my things are not where they should be. Luckily everything is almost back in order.

      Having my cat here does help – except when she starts howling to get me out of bed in the morning.

      Thank you very much for the kind words :)

  15. I still think you’re rorcsome Jasy.
    btw is it the ninja turtles April?

  16. Jas, you have so much on your plate that I am amazed you have time to blog! Glad your moving is over, I hate that too, and the other stuff… Well when you settle into whatever new role you are supposed to be doing I hope you feel better and be that wise mouthed, wine glass toting, TV watching Druid that You were. Bear hugs and kitty purrs, Navi

  17. I share your pain. 10 years ago I went thru a traumatic turbulent period where I plunged so deep I almost never came back. Having friends and good ones around you will be important. Take care, chin up. Life’s a wheel you WILL spin right back up again